Dear Paula Deen:

 Why do I love you so? Is it the way you offer me your fixin’s on a platter, so sweetly, like the fat Southern mother I never had? Is it your loving smile, so kind, hiding your obesity-related health problems that lurk under your Georgia Peach-ean surface? Is it your culinary expertise? Is it the fact that you were on an episode of D-list? The world may never know, but I know this one thing- I love you.

-Caroline